OPEN

OPEN

OPEN

OPEN

LATEEF AND ESTER

LATEEF AND ESTER

LATEEF AND ESTER

LATEEF AND ESTER

Photography by @SEALTHEMOMENT

Produced by SHAG

LATEEF:

we just got closer and closer and then from there established from early what we both wanted. We knew that we wouldn't be afraid to entertain other people. Most people when they hear open they just think you shag as many people as you want and that's it but its a lot deeper than that.

After a while it fizzled out. And then I unfollowed him cause his posts were dead. Then in January I saw him on tinder and I thought I would just match for bants and then he asked me on a date and from there we weren't dating, we were just seeing each other. 

OPEN

How did you guys meet? 

I had an interview for a job and he was working there. I didn't get the job.

SHAG spoke with Lateef and Ester about their open relationship - how they make it work and how they deal with feelings of jealousy.

ESTER:

LATEEF:

It's funny because when she came into the job, I was sort of 50/50 about whether to go over and speak to her, so it's funny that it turned into this but yeah I went over and spoke to her, gave her some tips and wished her luck and then we exchanged instagram details and then from there we were just talking really. 

ESTER:

Open Your Mind

OPEN

OPEN

“From a young age, I kind of knew that would be very hard for me to get tied down if that situation would arise. So I kind of said to myself, if I was going to get into relationship, someone would have to be on the terms that I'm comfortable with. And what I would be comfortable with being was was, was with being open to see other people is not a thing of where I literally just, I have Esther right here, and then I just get to check every single credit walks on the street. It's more of a thing. Okay, I have Esther here. And if I meet someone who I feel I got a connection with somewhat of a connection move, then I can take them on I can do whatever I please. But it's not as if that I'm going out there and actively searching for it”

LATEEF

“I just thought to myself, I want to be able to have somebody -  being in a relationship is nice, but I feel too young to be completely tied down and devoted. If opportunity comes, I want to be able to see somebody else. I feel like when you date and see different people, you learn more about yourself and you grow as a person.”

ESTER

OPEN

OPEN

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

LATEEF AND ESTER

LATEEF AND ESTER

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

There was one situation that happened when he did see someone else. But we were still we were we hadn't totally like discussed our terms and stuff yet at that point, because it was a very solid relationship. And when I found out about it, I was really like, I felt emotions that I had never felt before. Like, I could genuinely go out and kill this person. And I'm not a jealous person at all. Like, I wouldn't say jealousy, something I ever experienced before. That But for because I felt I feel so strongly for him. That's why I felt so like protective and wanting to strangle this person. But it was hard because, you know, it was something that I always knew would eventually happen. But I didn't totally think through how I would navigate that when it did. So I think from the island that well, first of all, communicating when you do see somebody else, like as soon as you can, is important, and just talking about it more, because I feel like the more you don't talk about it, the more it seems like a secretive thing that should be done and it kind of makes it

makes it a bit weird.

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You do not have to be a professional model to participate as it is vital we have everyday people contributing because that 

I'm not really a jealous person but there has been times where i have been jealous and I never really knew that I had that side to me. 

Open Your Mind

OPEN

OPEN

“From a young age, I kind of knew that would be very hard for me to get tied down if that situation would arise. So I kind of said to myself, if I was going to get into relationship, someone would have to be on the terms that I'm comfortable with. And what I would be comfortable with being was was, was with being open to see other people is not a thing of where I literally just, I have Esther right here, and then I just get to check every single credit walks on the street. It's more of a thing. Okay, I have Esther here. And if I meet someone who I feel I got a connection with somewhat of a connection move, then I can take them on I can do whatever I please. But it's not as if that I'm going out there and actively searching for it”

LATEEF

“I just thought to myself, I want to be able to have somebody -  being in a relationship is nice, but I feel too young to be completely tied down and devoted. If opportunity comes, I want to be able to see somebody else. I feel like when you date and see different people, you learn more about yourself and you grow as a person.”

ESTER

OPEN

OPEN

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

LATEEF AND ESTER

LATEEF AND ESTER

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

MIND OPEN

OPEN MIND

There was one situation that happened when he did see someone else. But we were still we were we hadn't totally like discussed our terms and stuff yet at that point, because it was a very solid relationship. And when I found out about it, I was really like, I felt emotions that I had never felt before. Like, I could genuinely go out and kill this person. And I'm not a jealous person at all. Like, I wouldn't say jealousy, something I ever experienced before. That But for because I felt I feel so strongly for him. That's why I felt so like protective and wanting to strangle this person. But it was hard because, you know, it was something that I always knew would eventually happen. But I didn't totally think through how I would navigate that when it did. So I think from the island that well, first of all, communicating when you do see somebody else, like as soon as you can, is important, and just talking about it more, because I feel like the more you don't talk about it, the more it seems like a secretive thing that should be done and it kind of makes it

makes it a bit weird.

|

I always told myself, if I was going to get into a relationship it would have to be on the terms that I'm comfortable with, which was being open to see other people. 

I'm not really a jealous person but there has been times where i have been jealous and I never really knew that I had that side to me. For the most part I am pretty fair because I know for myself that if I want to go do something or see someone or whatever, I am going to have to be able to give Ester that amount of freedom as well otherwise it won't be fair. I do believe that jealous is normal and healthy but I think that when you let it get out of control adn try to use it to manipulate and control that's when it becomes unhealthy. I am happy with it because it keeps me on my toes. I need to know that my girl has options as well and there are people who are interested in her so I need to keep on top of my game otherwise someone else might come in. 

ESTER

LATEEF

OPEN

OPEN

ESTER

I don't really think about the logisitcs of what we are because I'm content with it. This makes me happy. This makes me fulfilled. It's just that I am still young and there is a whole world out there, a bunch of people i could meet. I want that opportunity but like he said it's not that everytime I go out im looking for it. It depends on what the other person wants I guess. I have to let the person I have just met that I am in an open relationship, so no matter what happens, it's not going to affect my relationship that I am already committed to. It could take the form of going on dates with them or just sleeping with them or a bit of both but it would never become another relationship. 

OPEN

how did you start the conversation?

LATEEF

Honestly I started it from the first date. I've been on enough dates to know that being ambigious is the worst thing that someone can do. You need to be yourself and if they take to you they take to you and if they don't then you go your seperate ways. So based on the first date I said look these are my thoughts and my views and this is what I'm looking for right now. She agreed and we went from there. 

how do you make it work? 

LATEEF

For me, it's a thing of making them aware of this person. If it does turn into someone else then the other person needs to be made aware. As long as their is communication then there are no issue. At first when we didn't go through that communication period and things were quite hard, what I learnt was that I need to be a lot more clear. I was receiving messages and texts and thought it was nothing whilst sleeping with them and being intimate with them. I learnt that I need to be a lot more clear and if I am going to do it then I need to say it from the get go. 

do you have a no friends rule?

ESTER

I think that goes without saying, yeah, you cannot fuck my friends. I would not do that either. It has to be distant to some extent. Otherwise it becomes strange. I mean I don't want to say it's strange because there are people who are open or people who are polyamorous and they see people in similar circles and that works for them but for me personally no. There are still rules and people have their own rules and establish their own boundaries so it's completely up to you what you do with it. 

OPEN

what would  you advise to couples who are trying to be open? 

ESTER

Communication. Like it's cliche, but communication is key, you arent going to get it right the first time and there will be times where you feel an overwhelming amount of possession or jealously or sadness. If it's something you really want to do and make work then you will make it work. If you have doubts in your mind then don't do it. Make sure both of you are on exactly the same page and just keep talking. 

LATEEF

Yeah I would say communication is key. At the same time you know what you want and know what you dont want and i dont feel like you should find yourself compromising. A lot of people out there are in open relationships but don't realise it. Be honest with who you are. Don't care what other people think or say because at the end of the day it's your life. 

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